Then, for some reason, perhaps pregnancy of an unhappy love affair, she lowers her sights to select a sturdy, responsible, dependable husband, who is probably thought physically unattractive.” She will therefore choose a man who is less than attractive or less than charming in order to feel as if he couldn’t “do better” than her.This quiet, passive and unusually kindly man is meant to stick around since everyone knows he doesn’t really “deserve” his attractive, vibrant and lively wife.When one partner is more attractive or sexually motivated than another, obviously the relationship becomes unstable.The woman who makes such a choice is hedging her bets, and basing her choice on fear, not love.
People don’t approach strangers to start a relationship- there was some kind of attractiveness that initially got their attention, whether, it’s how they looked, acted, etc.I love how you stated that a safe bet relationship "cheats the woman out of actually working through towards a real understanding of herself and what she needs, and it cheats a man out of being the real love-object for a woman who believes he is the best man she could find." Not only does everyone deserve the chance to be truly loved for who they are/what they have to offer; the best relationships and kinds of love open you up to new discoveries and help you learn more about who you are and what you deserve.This was a really great post, thank you so much for posting this! I understand all this, about not choosing a second-choice husband, but what if the one who meets your high standards and you want as the first-choice husband you believe you deserve, does not want you? And how do you stop this heart-break from making you reach for a second-choice, second-rate partner.She couldn’t stand the idea that anyone might actually have a relationship based on passion, fun, or even simply the promise of an equal match between the partners.When her daughter wanted to marry an interesting, handsome and devoted man, this woman was torn. But, on some level, she was also tormented by seeing her own compromised and diluted life pale in comparison to the promise held by daughter’s union.